The Best Christmas Gift Next to, well, Jesus

It's going to be a lovely holiday indeed.
We have a tree up.
The kids are excited and have gift wish lists a million miles long just like I did as a kid...
Christmas music lists on Spotify and Pandora stations are up and running.

But for me this year has a small little secret highlight. Well, maybe it's not so secret anymore.

There are a few people I'm thinking about as the holidays approach and we all evaluate the *important* things in life. This year, those 'things' are people that have inspired me to be a better person.

The thing is, they will probably never know it. Either I am not going to contact them - cause that just feels stupid. "Hi. Um, it's me. Yeah, I just wanted to tell you that, uh, you made a difference in my life in ways you will never know..."  (because I can never communicate verbally the way I can when I'm writing my thoughts down.)

And even that last statement is questionable. But I *get* me, and that's what counts.

Some of the people who make me want to be a better person I barely know. Others I know really well, and that is just as awkward as the barely known people. Nothing like putting an uncomfortable strain on a relationship just before Christmas and gift-giving. haha. No really. I've already had the imaginary conversation in my head and it doesn't go well. No matter how many times I re-write it.

So this letter~ to my mystery life-changing anonymous friends out there~ who have bettered me as a person,

to you I say THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

You have given me a gift of boldness, the gift of being ME, the gift of music, love, happiness, a closer relationship to God, a better prayer life, a new way of seeing LIFE. I owe so much to you, I can only pray God repays you - because there is no way I can!

Merry Christmas my friends, Merry Christmas! And thank you!

Pa and Ma Ingalls didn't have trash service

Here is my completely random and non-useful observation for the day:

We used to live in a regular-cookie-cutter-housed suburban neighborhood. During that time we had a 96 gallon trashcan. It was always full to overflowing each week. Always. We went through at least one kitchen trash bag per day in that room of the house alone. Not counting bathrooms, garage, etc.

We now live on some land with animals and a garden. We have a family of six, but sometimes, we only have one (1!!) kitchen bag sized of trash for the week. Sometimes we have a whole 32 gallon trash can full. (That's only a 1/3 of what we used to have for you math challenged folks)

Why is this?? I was thinking about it as I took the trash out today. (We actually have three cans full this week - rare. A whole 96gls.)

Well, one reason is, we have a fireplace. And we can burn most of the paper trash we have around here. Except for the dumb shiny junk mail and ads on color paper I get. Those are still trashed. Stupid junk mail. Well... and my In Style mag. heehee...

We have animals that eat our kitchen scraps. And let me tell you, as much as I don't want to waste food, even with a "empty your plate" style of eating and using left-overs, it's amazing how much food is thrown out. The third world would be ashamed of us.

Other food: carrot peels, squash rinds, banana peels and the like... they go to the compost bin.

There you have it. Those three reasons are the main reasons we don't have a lot of trash. That and I don't buy a lot of processed food (that come with all the boxes and pouches to throw out).

I'll probably never be able to NOT have to pay for trash service, but seeing how close I am some weeks to not using them, I wish I could eliminate that bill!

Ladies Footed Pajamas - my review

I own footed pajamas now. I bought them last night, because, well... they just looked delicious.

Hanging there in the store they felt SOoooooo soft, and cozy. And frankly they just looked cute.

My house is usually chilly. That's the perfect excuse to get them right? Into the cart they went.

I put them on immediately as I got home. oooooooh. They lived up to the soft and comfy and cozy. I lounged on the couch watching a movie. It was at that moment I had second thoughts about sleeping in them. I scrunched down on the couch and my toes ran against the inside of the slippered toe. Hmmm. I readjusted. Though I was beginning to have doubts about a full night I decided I couldn't be sure unless I slept in them.

I was right. The night was a bit uncomfortable. My toes kept running up against the inside seam of the slipper. And since they are not skin tight, I felt a little bit like I was in my very own personal twisted up sleeping bag.... inside my bed.

So, for sleeping in: I give them a 4. Maybe a 3.5 actually.
For lounging in the house, or getting comfy after work and watching a movie? 10
Shoot. They are cute but not entirely frumpy. You could hang out with your friends in these bad boys and not be embarrassed. You just might be the hit of the pajama party!

I may have low fashion standards, but I think I could wear these in public.

A sweet moment for this mama

My 5 year old, Avalon, was sitting at the kitchen table yesterday and laid her head onto her folded arms on the table.

"Mama", she whimpered in a soft cry.

I came over to her and bent over next to her head. "Yeah baby?"
"Do you ever have a rough day? Is life ever hard?" she asked.
I tried to keep a laugh from bursting out. "Yes baby, I have rough days."

Her voice quivers as she tells me this, as if she is broken-hearted and it is all she can do to keep it together. "I just need Jesus. Right now. I need to be in heaven with Him. I need to be with Him. I want to go there right now. I want to die so that I can be in heaven with Jesus. I just love Him soooo much."

Okay, sweet. But I have to admit when your five year old says she wants to die - no matter HOW sweet the reason, it is pretty creepy.

But for the most part, my heart was breaking for her, and with her. And in that moment, I, or my spirit, caught a glimpse of what must have been going on in heaven at that very instant. MY heart was breaking??? Jesus saw His sweet baby girl desperately wanting to be with Him. Yet he can't have her there with him yet. HIS heart must have melted, surged, and broke all at the same time, but immeasurably more than her human mama's.

I assured her that Jesus can't wait to have us there too. Very soon. I assured her He is coming soon - to come and get us and take us home. (And we will all go together) But in the meantime, we have a job to do. He left us with instructions, a 'chore list' if you will. "There are some things we need to get done first", I explained to my sweetheart.

She didn't seem too comforted, or relieved, but we were able to move on with what we were doing. But her heart for the Lord still has me amazed, and thankful. HE must be sooo proud of His little girl! She's quite the keeper!!

A good (hard) days work

So today after school, me and the kids helped a friend clear out her garden before our city gets a freeze tonight.

Boy Howdy. I haven't worked harder in months!! I am soooo sore! But we got a lot of work done.

She has a large garden and we picked about 70 tomatoes still on the vine - though most of them green. We tore up the tomato plants and piled them on the melon patch. Then we covered all of that with plastic.

We put tarps on her summer squash that are still going to town. I hope it works and that her plants survive the freeze tonight.

I am now sitting here in my warm little house listening to ... hail? snow pellets??...something... occasionally hit the roof. And it's cold outside!!

80 degrees today. We were sweating working that garden, but now everyone is tucked into bed with their 'warm' pj's.

And as I sit here writing to you, I am glad that my kids got a chance to work hard. I'm listening to the Presidential debate happening in my own backyard of Denver. They talk about hard work, fair shares, etc, etc. But once upon a time, long, long ago people had to hunt or raise animals and work, work, work large gardens because there weren't super mega marts down the street. It was good for my kids to do work that pays off - eventually, and to realize that not all rewards are immediate.

More of the grown-ups in this country could stand a long days work in the garden too.

A day for the books

I'm writing this on the brink of insanity.
Motherhood is highly overrated. HIGHLY. Least it feels that way today....

I'm sure it's good and glorious and charming and powerful, amazing, inspiring and spiritual.

But.... not today. I can't see those sweet moments through the dense fog of crazy that invaded the house some time the the middle of last night while I was sleeping peacefully.  It's like all of my kids were kidnapped by aliens last night and horrible facsimiles of them were put in their place.

I woke with a headache. Oh, if only I knew that was going to be the highlight of my day....

I don't even want to see the youngest two little people until tomorrow. I think for their protection and my own, I should just say goodnight to them and start fresh tomorrow. I don't even think THEY need to be the ones to go to bed. Maybe it should be me.

I'll tuck myself into bed with a hot chocolate and a good novel I'm reading and snuggle under the feather comforter and call it a night. I'll light a candle and shut my door. Maybe I'll play some soft music after I read the book.

Yeah, right. I can dream though. Well, I better go. I have 33 minutes until I tuck them in and wish them the best until tomorrow.

I just hope the aliens take these freaks and bring my REAL kids back.

Bummed with an answer

Have you ever prayed for something and was then disappointed it was answered???

That is how I feel today. I had sorta been praying about something. ... I say sorta, because my prayer was slightly *different* than my husbands, but he asked me to be in prayer about something, and I was.

Yesterday it got answered. But not the answer I hoped for. Sure, my 'answer' was a bit of a pipe dream, but nothing is impossible with God, so I figured.... go for it. Ask for the crazy thing in prayer.

Apparently, God thought it was crazy too, and answered Patrick's version of the prayer instead.
That's life I guess. Some times you just gotta know when to hold em and when to fold em.

But although my feelings are mixed and a TINY bit ....disappointed..... I can say I trust God. It took me 30 years to actually trust Him and not just 'say' that I trust Him. Maybe this is a test. Sure, my feelings are let down, but my trust is not. We don't base life on our feelings. Feelings betray. But I can trust in God through anything.

Even this minor thing I'm having a private small pity party about. :)
I kid, I kid. No pity parties here. I'm gonna be a big girl.