My 5 year old, Avalon, was sitting at the kitchen table yesterday and laid her head onto her folded arms on the table.
"Mama", she whimpered in a soft cry.
I came over to her and bent over next to her head. "Yeah baby?"
"Do you ever have a rough day? Is life ever hard?" she asked.
I tried to keep a laugh from bursting out. "Yes baby, I have rough days."
Her voice quivers as she tells me this, as if she is broken-hearted and it is all she can do to keep it together. "I just need Jesus. Right now. I need to be in heaven with Him. I need to be with Him. I want to go there right now. I want to die so that I can be in heaven with Jesus. I just love Him soooo much."
Okay, sweet. But I have to admit when your five year old says she wants to die - no matter HOW sweet the reason, it is pretty creepy.
But for the most part, my heart was breaking for her, and with her. And in that moment, I, or my spirit, caught a glimpse of what must have been going on in heaven at that very instant. MY heart was breaking??? Jesus saw His sweet baby girl desperately wanting to be with Him. Yet he can't have her there with him yet. HIS heart must have melted, surged, and broke all at the same time, but immeasurably more than her human mama's.
I assured her that Jesus can't wait to have us there too. Very soon. I assured her He is coming soon - to come and get us and take us home. (And we will all go together) But in the meantime, we have a job to do. He left us with instructions, a 'chore list' if you will. "There are some things we need to get done first", I explained to my sweetheart.
She didn't seem too comforted, or relieved, but we were able to move on with what we were doing. But her heart for the Lord still has me amazed, and thankful. HE must be sooo proud of His little girl! She's quite the keeper!!
Having kids makes it difficult to be the perfect mom...
Friday, October 5, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
A good (hard) days work
So today after school, me and the kids helped a friend clear out her garden before our city gets a freeze tonight.
Boy Howdy. I haven't worked harder in months!! I am soooo sore! But we got a lot of work done.
She has a large garden and we picked about 70 tomatoes still on the vine - though most of them green. We tore up the tomato plants and piled them on the melon patch. Then we covered all of that with plastic.
We put tarps on her summer squash that are still going to town. I hope it works and that her plants survive the freeze tonight.
I am now sitting here in my warm little house listening to ... hail? snow pellets??...something... occasionally hit the roof. And it's cold outside!!
80 degrees today. We were sweating working that garden, but now everyone is tucked into bed with their 'warm' pj's.
And as I sit here writing to you, I am glad that my kids got a chance to work hard. I'm listening to the Presidential debate happening in my own backyard of Denver. They talk about hard work, fair shares, etc, etc. But once upon a time, long, long ago people had to hunt or raise animals and work, work, work large gardens because there weren't super mega marts down the street. It was good for my kids to do work that pays off - eventually, and to realize that not all rewards are immediate.
More of the grown-ups in this country could stand a long days work in the garden too.
Boy Howdy. I haven't worked harder in months!! I am soooo sore! But we got a lot of work done.
She has a large garden and we picked about 70 tomatoes still on the vine - though most of them green. We tore up the tomato plants and piled them on the melon patch. Then we covered all of that with plastic.
We put tarps on her summer squash that are still going to town. I hope it works and that her plants survive the freeze tonight.
I am now sitting here in my warm little house listening to ... hail? snow pellets??...something... occasionally hit the roof. And it's cold outside!!
80 degrees today. We were sweating working that garden, but now everyone is tucked into bed with their 'warm' pj's.
And as I sit here writing to you, I am glad that my kids got a chance to work hard. I'm listening to the Presidential debate happening in my own backyard of Denver. They talk about hard work, fair shares, etc, etc. But once upon a time, long, long ago people had to hunt or raise animals and work, work, work large gardens because there weren't super mega marts down the street. It was good for my kids to do work that pays off - eventually, and to realize that not all rewards are immediate.
More of the grown-ups in this country could stand a long days work in the garden too.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
A day for the books
I'm writing this on the brink of insanity.
Motherhood is highly overrated. HIGHLY. Least it feels that way today....
I'm sure it's good and glorious and charming and powerful, amazing, inspiring and spiritual.
But.... not today. I can't see those sweet moments through the dense fog of crazy that invaded the house some time the the middle of last night while I was sleeping peacefully. It's like all of my kids were kidnapped by aliens last night and horrible facsimiles of them were put in their place.
I woke with a headache. Oh, if only I knew that was going to be the highlight of my day....
I don't even want to see the youngest two little people until tomorrow. I think for their protection and my own, I should just say goodnight to them and start fresh tomorrow. I don't even think THEY need to be the ones to go to bed. Maybe it should be me.
I'll tuck myself into bed with a hot chocolate and a good novel I'm reading and snuggle under the feather comforter and call it a night. I'll light a candle and shut my door. Maybe I'll play some soft music after I read the book.
Yeah, right. I can dream though. Well, I better go. I have 33 minutes until I tuck them in and wish them the best until tomorrow.
I just hope the aliens take these freaks and bring my REAL kids back.
Motherhood is highly overrated. HIGHLY. Least it feels that way today....
I'm sure it's good and glorious and charming and powerful, amazing, inspiring and spiritual.
But.... not today. I can't see those sweet moments through the dense fog of crazy that invaded the house some time the the middle of last night while I was sleeping peacefully. It's like all of my kids were kidnapped by aliens last night and horrible facsimiles of them were put in their place.
I woke with a headache. Oh, if only I knew that was going to be the highlight of my day....
I don't even want to see the youngest two little people until tomorrow. I think for their protection and my own, I should just say goodnight to them and start fresh tomorrow. I don't even think THEY need to be the ones to go to bed. Maybe it should be me.
I'll tuck myself into bed with a hot chocolate and a good novel I'm reading and snuggle under the feather comforter and call it a night. I'll light a candle and shut my door. Maybe I'll play some soft music after I read the book.
Yeah, right. I can dream though. Well, I better go. I have 33 minutes until I tuck them in and wish them the best until tomorrow.
I just hope the aliens take these freaks and bring my REAL kids back.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Bummed with an answer
Have you ever prayed for something and was then disappointed it was answered???
That is how I feel today. I had sorta been praying about something. ... I say sorta, because my prayer was slightly *different* than my husbands, but he asked me to be in prayer about something, and I was.
Yesterday it got answered. But not the answer I hoped for. Sure, my 'answer' was a bit of a pipe dream, but nothing is impossible with God, so I figured.... go for it. Ask for the crazy thing in prayer.
Apparently, God thought it was crazy too, and answered Patrick's version of the prayer instead.
That's life I guess. Some times you just gotta know when to hold em and when to fold em.
But although my feelings are mixed and a TINY bit ....disappointed..... I can say I trust God. It took me 30 years to actually trust Him and not just 'say' that I trust Him. Maybe this is a test. Sure, my feelings are let down, but my trust is not. We don't base life on our feelings. Feelings betray. But I can trust in God through anything.
Even this minor thing I'm having a private small pity party about. :)
I kid, I kid. No pity parties here. I'm gonna be a big girl.
That is how I feel today. I had sorta been praying about something. ... I say sorta, because my prayer was slightly *different* than my husbands, but he asked me to be in prayer about something, and I was.
Yesterday it got answered. But not the answer I hoped for. Sure, my 'answer' was a bit of a pipe dream, but nothing is impossible with God, so I figured.... go for it. Ask for the crazy thing in prayer.
Apparently, God thought it was crazy too, and answered Patrick's version of the prayer instead.
That's life I guess. Some times you just gotta know when to hold em and when to fold em.
But although my feelings are mixed and a TINY bit ....disappointed..... I can say I trust God. It took me 30 years to actually trust Him and not just 'say' that I trust Him. Maybe this is a test. Sure, my feelings are let down, but my trust is not. We don't base life on our feelings. Feelings betray. But I can trust in God through anything.
Even this minor thing I'm having a private small pity party about. :)
I kid, I kid. No pity parties here. I'm gonna be a big girl.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Well. ....THAT was fun!
We had a very interesting night around here last night.
Vivianne is sick with a cough. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts to 'rub her up' with mentholatum before bed, I could hear her coughing while I was working on the computer. I was hoping a deeper sleep would come for her and we'd have a peaceful night.
I was trying to cheat the system - in regards to our 23 baby chicks - and put them in the barn last night, in a race against the setting sun. (there is no electric in the barn) And I was doing all that - setting up a brooding area, closing off the area with straw to keep out drafts, running electrical cords for the heat lamp, laying down pine chips for bedding, etc - because I don't want 23 chicks in my HOUSE anymore!! Oh - did I mention they are starting to fly?!?!? Yes. Yes they are. Another one flew to the top of the Rubbermaid I had them in yesterday, perched and ready to wreck havoc on my house. Thankfully I was in the room, dove and grabbed it in time, but it was a close call - and the last straw.
They are "too young" to go to the barn as they don't have their feathers yet. But as I see it, they left me no choice. It's their own doing. So... up they went. The barn was ready, the chicks tucked in for the night. All was well. The only thing bothering me was the unprotected back of the barn. It is a wooden barn that sits on the dirt earth. There is no foundation or flooring - which is nice for the animal poop aspect - but a fox or other vermin could just dig under the back of the barn and feast on 26 birds. (the three ducks are up there too)
We go to bed.
At 1am, I can't take it anymore. Surely it is not 1:00, but 5:00, because I'm certain I have been listening to my daughter cough all night.
I get up and give her a spoonful of honey and her inhaler.
I get back in bed, and hope for the best.
At 3:20am - after not getting alot of sleep because my girl is STILL coughing - I "wake" - and I mean violently jerk out of bed - at the sound of screaming.
Animal screaming.
I'm pretty sure I am listening to the ducks being torn apart and ravaged. DANG IT!!
I run out to the kitchen, throw on my barn boots and race out side. At 3 in the morning. (it was suprisingly warm by the way)
The coyotes were aross the way screaming and howling their heads off. Patrick, comes out too and hears this. A dog is also barking. Patrick is relieved it's not on our land. I just pray they aren't bragging about the delicious meal of birds they just enjoyed. I reeeeaaaaallly didn't want to trek all the way up there to confirm either suspicion. We went back to bed and listened to my daughter cough for the rest of the night.
Can anybody say.... coffee????
Anyway, I don't usually get out to the barn by 7:30, but did today. I am happy to report that all my baby winged-things are alive and well. Poor little chicks are huddled together as the heat lamp is higher than they are used to... but they are alive.
Vivianne is sick with a cough. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts to 'rub her up' with mentholatum before bed, I could hear her coughing while I was working on the computer. I was hoping a deeper sleep would come for her and we'd have a peaceful night.
I was trying to cheat the system - in regards to our 23 baby chicks - and put them in the barn last night, in a race against the setting sun. (there is no electric in the barn) And I was doing all that - setting up a brooding area, closing off the area with straw to keep out drafts, running electrical cords for the heat lamp, laying down pine chips for bedding, etc - because I don't want 23 chicks in my HOUSE anymore!! Oh - did I mention they are starting to fly?!?!? Yes. Yes they are. Another one flew to the top of the Rubbermaid I had them in yesterday, perched and ready to wreck havoc on my house. Thankfully I was in the room, dove and grabbed it in time, but it was a close call - and the last straw.
They are "too young" to go to the barn as they don't have their feathers yet. But as I see it, they left me no choice. It's their own doing. So... up they went. The barn was ready, the chicks tucked in for the night. All was well. The only thing bothering me was the unprotected back of the barn. It is a wooden barn that sits on the dirt earth. There is no foundation or flooring - which is nice for the animal poop aspect - but a fox or other vermin could just dig under the back of the barn and feast on 26 birds. (the three ducks are up there too)
We go to bed.
At 1am, I can't take it anymore. Surely it is not 1:00, but 5:00, because I'm certain I have been listening to my daughter cough all night.
I get up and give her a spoonful of honey and her inhaler.
I get back in bed, and hope for the best.
At 3:20am - after not getting alot of sleep because my girl is STILL coughing - I "wake" - and I mean violently jerk out of bed - at the sound of screaming.
Animal screaming.
I'm pretty sure I am listening to the ducks being torn apart and ravaged. DANG IT!!
I run out to the kitchen, throw on my barn boots and race out side. At 3 in the morning. (it was suprisingly warm by the way)
The coyotes were aross the way screaming and howling their heads off. Patrick, comes out too and hears this. A dog is also barking. Patrick is relieved it's not on our land. I just pray they aren't bragging about the delicious meal of birds they just enjoyed. I reeeeaaaaallly didn't want to trek all the way up there to confirm either suspicion. We went back to bed and listened to my daughter cough for the rest of the night.
Can anybody say.... coffee????
Anyway, I don't usually get out to the barn by 7:30, but did today. I am happy to report that all my baby winged-things are alive and well. Poor little chicks are huddled together as the heat lamp is higher than they are used to... but they are alive.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
just another manic Tuesday, whoa oh whoa
What a day! Wowza.
- While I was up in the barn with the ducks, my son who was supposed to be 'helping' me, accidentally let a goat loose - out of his pen - and into the wild blue yonder of the forest. This actually happened due to our 3rd child for the first time on Saturday, and Patrick had to get both the goats because I couldn't budge them. Not a bit. They tossed me around like buttah. So today, I figured - shoot. We lost a goat. Somehow I managed to get it back in the pen and then I wondered if I had shut the duck door behind me when I realized a goat was out. Did we have three loose ducks too???? ....ah. Thankfully not. The Lord had mercy.
- I dropped a knife on the top of my bare foot over the weekend. It officially hurts to have a shoe touch that bruise. ...I wore flip-flops most of the day.
- I hate moth season..... but although it started with a vengeance on Sunday, I think it is milder now. I know it's only two days later... but maybe this season won't be as bad??? One can only hope.
- I had to walk into my daughter's school this morning. I was uncombed, unmake-uped, with glasses and pajamas on. It was a walk of shame,.... but let me tell you, no one has ever walked into that school taller than me. I mean... wear it like you own it, right?? Even if you have the snot embarrassed outta ya.
- I shampooed carpets today. That rocks, right??? I think so.
- I made a new dish for dinner tonight. It looks like a pile of mushy goo, but I thought it was delish!! Quinoa, grilled zucchini, corn, red peppers, lime juice, cumin, chili powder, onions, garlic,olive oil. There is mixing and cooking involved... but that is the gist. Yum-o. I will/would make that again.
- I feel a tremendous amount of guilt over not having grocery shopped lately and not having more meals planned/fruit available for snacks.... but I'm just so tired.... And frankly, tired of preparing food - even with the fun new dinner tonight. Why do so many people rely solely on me for sooo many portions of food every day??? #exhausting
- I am also deeply bothered that I don't have more plants growing and getting ready for the garden. I really want ground cherries this year and I don't even have the seeds started. I hope it's not too late.
- On day two of project "clean out the overfilled nasty cluttered girls room" - and making amazing progress. By tomorrow the room will be cleaned perfectly - every nook and cranny, every toy box and closet shelf. It will totally be worth it. :)
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
God answers prayers....
...but not like you think.
This post is completely inspired by my day's work today. I'm loading the dishwasher (obviously not right now... but a few seconds ago. heehee) and I couldn't help but smile and have a little inside giggle. That is when I decided to share with you.
When I was young. I mean... younger.... I read somewhere that after the age of 30 it is like, I don't know 10 times/30 times.... (much) harder to learn new things. Because of brain cells dying off and other scientific facts that I don't remember. (doh! - it's started!)
ANYWAYS..... (random, poorly typed blog shall now continue)
I was horrified. The article said learning a musical instrument or new language... anything was immensely more challenging after 30 .....da da da dum.... UNLESS (magical word there), unless you keep learning and don't stop. ie: most people just drive to work, eat food, watch sports.... routine, routine, routine. Nothing new. No new learning experiences = dead brain cells. You have to keep learning, and ...wah-la. You are okay. Brain cells won't die off so fast.
So I prayed. No, seriously.
God. GOD, 30 is too young to be stupid. Keep me learning my whole life.
I had no idea what I had just done.
I am over 30 now, and let me tell you. I think I have more brain cells now than when I was 7. He keeps the challenges and experiences a'comin!!
In the last couple of years, I have learned:
This post is completely inspired by my day's work today. I'm loading the dishwasher (obviously not right now... but a few seconds ago. heehee) and I couldn't help but smile and have a little inside giggle. That is when I decided to share with you.
When I was young. I mean... younger.... I read somewhere that after the age of 30 it is like, I don't know 10 times/30 times.... (much) harder to learn new things. Because of brain cells dying off and other scientific facts that I don't remember. (doh! - it's started!)
ANYWAYS..... (random, poorly typed blog shall now continue)
I was horrified. The article said learning a musical instrument or new language... anything was immensely more challenging after 30 .....da da da dum.... UNLESS (magical word there), unless you keep learning and don't stop. ie: most people just drive to work, eat food, watch sports.... routine, routine, routine. Nothing new. No new learning experiences = dead brain cells. You have to keep learning, and ...wah-la. You are okay. Brain cells won't die off so fast.
So I prayed. No, seriously.
God. GOD, 30 is too young to be stupid. Keep me learning my whole life.
I had no idea what I had just done.
I am over 30 now, and let me tell you. I think I have more brain cells now than when I was 7. He keeps the challenges and experiences a'comin!!
In the last couple of years, I have learned:
- How to split a log
- that watermelon seeds germinate faster if you soak them in milk
- cock a gun
- that goats need to have their hooves clipped every so often
- that ducks don't get feathers until they are 5-9 weeks old
- that flour doesn't make a dry shampoo
- that eggs don't condition your hair well at all if you plan on having a hot shower
- that basements need to have floating walls, studs must be 16 inches or closer, and bathrooms must have exhaust fans installed to pass inspection
- that yarrow can stop a nose bleed
- about ten 'new' notes on the violin
- about 6-10 'new' piano chords
- that cattail roots are edible but don't taste good
- 4 new piano songs
- that to get beet seeds you have to let them over winter
- how to make my own dishwasher detergent
- that if you rock against a dead tree for a couple of days, it will fall over, but you will be sore for at least two days more
- and a whole bunch of other stuff that would baffle you as to why I know it.
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