My favorite place

I have a favorite place right now.

We all have favorite places in different times in our lives.
Throughout childhood I can remember different favorite places: playing Barbies in the basement next to my sister, Tickles (a Chucky Cheese meets Mr. Biggs kinds of place), digging in the sandbox all the way to China....etc.....

Right now, my favorite place of all is standing in our bedroom in front of our big round vanity mirror.
Not admiring myself, I might add..... but standing there with my two month old baby girl on my chest - looking at her. Trying so hard to burn that image of her little body into my memory's hard drive. Not ever wanting to forget her smell, her size, her snuggle, the way her arm is starting to cling to mine, or how her tiny fingers rest on my chest or grab onto my shirt. Photos are good, but a living memory is better.

Moms try hard to remember everything from those precious baby days, but when it is your last baby, and every day is the last day EVER you will EVER have such a small, sweet, precious life in your arms, all your own..... you try harder than before to never forget.

I will never again have a little baby of my own. I will never again have a limp little tiny scrunched up newborn. I will never again have a little one month old starting to hold their head up. I will never again.......

And this is why standing in front of the large vanity mirror with my baby girl on my chest is my favorite place to be. Our house is a disaster. Our room is a mess. The laundry is piled high. The dishes are dirty. But it all can wait - I'm staring at the beauty of this baby on my chest.

Ode to Breastfeeding

When you are pregnant, perhaps then more than ever you think about this. Will you or won't you? If so, will it hurt? You watch others. Seems simple enough. Ahh... the joys of nursing. Wait a minute, what???

• Have you ever had a baby crying so fiercely that even when you "shove" your nipple in their mouth they don't even notice it and cry fiercely right into your boob?

• Have you ever pumped milk and looked in the bottle only to discover the milk is now a pinkish tint thanks to the fact your nipple is bloody from the over use - of never being squeezed like this before???

• Speaking of being squeezed, has nursing a baby ever felt like a rabid squirrel is chewing your spine out through your boob??

• What about sneezing? My baby pulls off of me to sneeze on my nipple then latches back on to finish her meal.

• Throw up is a FUN one. I have been thrown up on countless times nursing my four babies. My personal favorite is when there is a pool of it in your bra. Sometimes there is more spit up than you knew in there and you accidentally reclip your bra.....ewww.

• Poop. It is weird to have a baby actively nursing from you and pooping their loose, loose mustard poop into the diaper resting on your leg/arm. I guess it is true that what goes in, must come out, but seriously, at the same time??

• My baby girl just stopped nursing the other day to literally lift her upper leg and let a 'big one' rip - and then peacefully went back to her meal.

• What about the struggles of waking the hard-sleeping newborn? Ice on the back, thumping their little feet?

• Have you ever been woken by piercing cries at 2:30 am, only to latch them on after a 40 minute newborn struggle, and they fall asleep? So then you spend another hour trying to get them to nurse and finally they do, then you all go to sleep, only to have the baby cry and start the process over in just a little over an hour later????

• I do like it when they 'talk' and coo to you while nursing. Melts your heart. Like they are saying "thank you mommy. This milk is warm and yummy! I like the taste of the chocolate cake you had last night."

• Or, simply when they look at you - their precious little face staring into yours. A precious moment, a special bonding time.

• Has your baby ever smiled at you - and thus losing their latch? Funny.

• The baby falls asleep nursing. At 3am, or 3pm. Either way, it is so beautiful. And fulfilling. Can you even bear to take them off and set them down? Infancy passes too quickly.

For all you women out there who no longer have a nursing baby, perhaps this has jogged some great memories. Mommy amnesia happens all too quickly. You forget the little details. For those of you who bottle fed by choice or not, perhaps you can still relate, or are glad you missed some of this..... And for the ladies out there that are not yet at this point, happy decision making! But, don't let a little throw up in the bra keep you from an amazing gift!