Overwhelmed

Last week:

I was super overwhelmed with life. I hate to admit all of this to you. To 'say it outloud'... but...

I was tired of being a parent.
I was soooo tired of being a mommy. A mommy who's name seemed to be whined every 7-30 seconds of my life.
I was done with cranky babies who don't communicate. Tired of lost blankies and pacifiers. Tired of looking for them when young ones can't sleep without them.

Frankly people, I was tired of being me. I didn't want to be me anymore. I wanted a break from me. Where is the witness protection program when you really need them??? Me and my fake name were ready to go.

I was so tired of cleaning our house....which frankly... was never really that clean! I could live to be 100 years old and never make a bed again. So what if mold grows in a cup once in awhile???? I guess I don't really mean that. It is really disgusting, I know. But I had just reached this point of... ugh.

I didn't like my body shape (as in out of shape), my face, my hair - not the color or length or style.  I know that sounds extremely shallow..... but am I alone here???? Have you ever had a time like this??? This was mine. (and... perhaps I could admit that there is a slight chance that maybe hormones had a part....)

This week:

We're at a whole different ball game this week. I'm 'okay' with being me again. (mostly) haha
I have settled back into reality, but this week, this week is a spiritual roller-coaster, and not a physical one.

There were two ladies in choir last week that said prayers they have been praying for decades are being answered! Wow. Brought tears to my eyes. I feel like God is doing so much in my life right now. I'm glad I didn't get 'called upon' last week during choir to say what God is doing/has done because I would have talked too much! They'd be reminding me it is only a two hour practice! ;)

But, in addition to all the things God IS doing in my life, there is alot I feel that He is not doing. There are issues I have been praying about for near a decade, things I want changed, improved, different... and... they're not. Why?? This I struggle with. Big time. I recognize the problem/heart issue. I see it and have prayed about it. God knows, that I know about it, and that I want it gone.

But is it??? Noooooooo. Why isn't God "poofing" it out of my life???? Rrrrrr.... :) Why doesn't God just "take" our problems away??? He IS big enough. Why does He want me to figure this out when I feel like I can't sometimes? (And it is not just one thing. It is small things or big things... whatever you are dealing with at one particular time.)

Then we went to Sunday night church - it was amazing. Our pastor wasn't exactly talking about this the way I will explain it to you, but this is how it ministered to me:

He said the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil (garden of Eden) was right there, smack dab in the middle of their life and work. It was right next to the Tree of Life. It looked good. But! They weren't allowed to touch it. To eat from it. To partake of it in any way.

Interesting. So not only does He know that something we aren't supposed to have/be a part of  is right there... but He allows it. And we have to deal with it. And still obey Him.

This is a lot for me to digest. I don't even know if this even makes any sense to you... considering it is my revelation/struggle. I was up all night last night. I couldn't sleep and this is what I keep trying to mentally 'unpack' for application in my life. I'm not even sure it is an antidote for my struggles, but it is an interesting way of looking at something in a new way.

And THAT, my friends is what has been going on in my life.... and thanks for letting me share!