Date a girl who reads...

I cannot even begin to express how much I love this:

Especially the last line. This was written in my love language!

Agirlyoushoulddate

I have a few more things to add:
The entire piece is true. But, if she also likes non-fiction she will know how to do things; practical things, beautiful things.
She will understand history, current times, and maybe even what's to come.
She will always have something to talk about, and I'd bet it's interesting.
She will surprise you with what she knows. Car engines? Farming? Political history? Medicinal information? You never can tell....
She is less likely to be swayed to and fro. She is more likely to be steady. ...Even if she does get emotional about a book or chapter or two.

I hope to impart a love of reading to ALL my kids - the three girls and my boy. Cause frankly, I wouldn't want to be with an unread man, and someday, neither will his future girlfriend.

I pray rap, yo

I don't know where you are in your belief system on this, but I believe in speaking in tongues - or what I call my 'prayer language'.

This is in fact, in the Bible. It is real. And it is powerful. It is a way for us to pray to God when we don't have the English words. A sweet communion with Him. A perfect prayer.

Here's the thing. I only like to use it in three situations.
1. An emergency. When I'm freaking out. When I have nothing else in my head but "Help God!" It helps me pray through it.

2. In the shower. I don't know why.

3. Listening to music. (mostly in the car)

So I will pray this way (if you don't know what I'm talking about - my prayer language is nonsense, just short sounds - like an African baby/toddler.) haha!~ I mean no irreverance, but I don't know how to describe it to you. It's not something you make up - it is something God gives you. Some people sound so melodic when they pray this way. I wouldn't say I do though.

I mean, I pray this way listening to all kinds of music in the car. Classical. Christian. Pop. Country.

Two days ago I 'borrowed' a LeCrae album Rebel. It is hardcore Christian rap.

OH MY GOSH.

I pray RAP! My prayer language is rap!! Can you believe it???!?!? :)
This little white girl can't even TALK that fast. I have some rhythm, but I can't pull off rap - that is, not until I start praying in tongues, yo!!!

I throw the music on and it all just comes flowing out. Beat bop beepin' -it just flows. God has a sense of humor.

He doesn't change

God that is. He doesn't change. And I love that about Him.

It makes reading the Bible that much more exciting. He sent an angel to people - like literally - they saw and talked to angels. He can do that still.

He made a donkey talk. You think He can't do that nowadays? ;) Yeah, right.  Keep your eyes and ears open!

He healed people. HE STILL DOES THIS! Did you know I had a chronic disease as a child that was crippling me? I don't have it anymore! God did that. It was only He who could save me and He did!!

God used imperfect people. A prostitute. A shepherd. A widow. People who weren't anything amazing in and of themselves. And I like that. He still does that too, just in case you were wondering.

And, my current favorite:

Dreams. God gave dreams to people. God gives me dreams too. Not, like, visions for your future that you 'think' of when you are awake. No, I mean, actual while-you-were-sleeping dreams.

There are several instances of people who have had dreams from God in the Bible. To warn them, to inform them, or prepare them. Whatever.

I have been spoken to in dreams. I can definitely tell a difference from one of these dreams and just regular sleep dreams. God still speaks in dreams! What a cool God we serve!! I love how consistent He is, yet, so... unpredictable. It is a fascinating and intoxicating combination! You just never know what God is up to. You never know what He will pull out for you next. It may knock you off your socks in a good way, or throw you for a loop. But in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.

This fall I had a series of dreams that confused me. I was sure they were dreams from Him. They were, right??  I began to doubt. Was I making this up? Am I crazy? Losing my mind? Are these from God? If so, why? What is He trying to say?

Reading the Bible this week in Matthew and Luke about Jesus' birth, I was struck by two things. The recurring theme of believing, and that God spoke in dreams in that story too. My heart was touched. I just need to believe. Trust. Go along for the ride. Treasure what's in my heart, store it up and wait for the appropriate time for it to come to pass or be revealed.

Trust God in your life today. Believe. Believe that God is working on your behalf. That He is still doing crazy unpredictable things with your good in mind! Trust that He will use you - the average person! And keep your eyes open for something crazy to happen - that is just soooo like Him! ;)

There's a first time for everything

I wasn't kidding when I said I lived in the 18th century.  This is the first time I have ever done this:

(hanging laundry out in the snow)

But you have to admit, it sure does look extra Christmasy - green sheets, red towels, and the snow. It isn't a horrible thing to see outside. But my neighbors probably think I'm nuts!!! (If they only knew!)

Our house was the first house built in the division, and though there are other older homes with quirks of their own, some houses are just recently built. I can't help it that I have to do laundry the way I do. ;)

Being a wimpy girl really stinks!

I'm very disappointed in myself.  :(
Hmph.

I don't like feeling helpless. I would like to think I'm scrappy, resourceful, and strong, and can handle just about anything given the time to build up the courage and/or mentally come up with a solution.

But this morning, I have realized I'm not all that amazing. (little reminders like that are good, but this time I wish I could have fixed my own problem)

All I have is a stupid flat tire. Not flat as in 'low'. No, flat to the rim. I'm not dumb enough to drive it on the snow and ice like that to have it fixed. So it has to remain in my driveway until the new tire is on.

My 'driveway' is gravel, and has three inches of snow on it. Hmmm.. What to do, what to do! Can you jack it up on icy rocks? (in fact you can, but even the guy who helped me said he was afraid the jack would slip.)

I'm such a nerd. I am reading this book, How to build a fire and other things your Grandpa knew how to do - and one of the chapters is about changing a tire. So I look that up. (ironically, I read that chapter last week.)

Okay. I go out to the car. I put a rock under the opposite diagonal tire,

and clear out the 'trunk' to find the jack and lower the tire down from  under the car. Check. (Oh, did I mention the temp is like, -6???) My hands are frozen. And the back hatch keeps shutting on my head. The hydraulics are out apparently. I hope just because of the cold, because if the back hatch is broken now, that would be frustrating.

Anyway, there it is, the handle in the back carpet - all I have to do is pull on that handle to lift the back flap to reveal the jack and the lever for the crank to lower the tire.

I'm so embarrassed saying this, but I can't even get the dang handle to open!!! Grrr!! I try it with my ski gloves on. I take them off and try it with bare frozen fingers. Still can't get it. I try to push on the lever of the handle with the ice scraper. (leverage, ya know?) Still nothing.

Good gosh. I'm glad I'm not alone!! (I mean, I am right now, but help will be coming to the house eventually) Please tell me the handle that is flush to the floorboard of the truck is frozen. Cause if I am just so helpless that I can't even do that, I'm in trouble! Well, the service guy shows up, and, (sigh of relief), the handle on the floorboard WAS frozen. It took him, a prying tool, and a small grunt to get it unstuck. Whew. Less embarrassing. ;)

Half way through talking me through the process, (I told him I wanted to stay and watch and learn) he starts laughing. He is sliding the jack under the car, so I didn't see what was so funny. "What?" I said.
He was laughing that I said I was so embarrassed. He said, "If you were 6'2", 260 pounds and you still couldn't change your tire, that would be embarrassing."

So, since I don't fit that description at all.... I guess I shouldn't feel too bad. Like Jason (the guy who changed the tire) said, too bad it wasn't 80 degrees out - the whole process would have been easier. But, I sure did learn a lot. Oh! And he asked me as he was doing the lug nuts if I knew about the star pattern. I was quite proud of my self when I said, "Yep, I sure do." (smile) Small proud moment in a morning of almost zero personal accomplishment! ;)

Can I borrow your chapstick??

This weekend were expecting company for dinner. Company we have never had to our home. So, to break this down for ya, it basically means I was cleaning the house ALL day while making very little progress due the fact I have four kids 8 and under constantly messing up my work.

The three girls share a room, and it was a mess!! It was clean the day before. But they cheated when they 'cleaned' it, and just hid stuff in every nook and cranny of the room. Being the mom I am, this morning I threw it all in one big pile in the middle of the room.

Talia (2), takes an afternoon nap. That room clearly wouldn't be available, as I could see it would take the older two girls quite some time to clean up their mess. So, I set up a pack-n'play (portable crib) in my room. ahem... my room was already clean, thank you very much!

I did this yesterday too, and realized I had an escape artist on my hands. Talia climbed out of the crib, but I put her back in and she fell asleep for two hours. All's good. She seemed to learn her lesson about climbing out of the crib. ... yeah.... that was yesterday.

Today she escaped again. So I followed 'procedure'. She was quite upset. I put her back into the 'crib', and left the room. I even got her a couple of books to read as she lulled herself to sleep. (awww.. what a good mommy.. right?)

I went to go back to cleaning. Two HOURS later, I notice our bedroom door is ajar.

Hmmmm. I tip-toe in quietly. I see a bundle of covers in the crib. Is she all wrapped up in those??? She looks awfully small. I glance around the room. I don't see her or hear her. I touch the bundle of covers.

I'VE BEEN FOILED!!!

She is not there!! I then notice that the bathroom door is cracked and the light is on. I walk over and open the door.

Talia is standing there STARK naked with her pajamas and open dirty diaper on the floor beside her.
In her hand is my chapstick and she is rubbing it on her nipple. Yes. You read that right. I don't even want to think about what other body parts she may have rubbed it on.

The room smells HEAVILY of perfume? Cologne? Lotion? And some other concoction. Lord a mercy!!!

Her body is tacky to the touch. I would bathe her, but don't have time before the guests arrive. Instead I dress her and desperately search for the aromatic culprit.  Plus, I'm afraid to wash the girl - she might explode into a mountain of bubbles - depending on what she has drenched herself in.

I look here and there. I can't find it!! It's making me go mad. What IS that smell??? I ask her to take me on a tour of my own bathroom. I put on my very best smile and cute Mommy voice. "Did you touch this????" yes. A nod. Okay, "What else did you touch??... that? Oh! How fun!And what else??"

I think you can see how this goes. She got into:
Bubble bath/shower gel
Daddy's cologne
sunscreen
my tanning oil
aloe vera gel
lotion and
(obviously chapstick)
...that I know of!

And um... I forgot to mention the HUGE pile of toilet paper on the counter. Fine, I'm not throwing it out. I will use it. Cause I'm a mom, and that is just expensive to waste.

Too bad I didn't look in the toilet for another hour or so.....

Um yeah. The toilet lid was shut, but when I opened it, it was piled to. the. top. with wet piles of toilet paper. AAAGHHH! It took me, a plunger and several tries to get it down.



Sooooo.... enough about me. How was YOUR weekend??

My amazing Avalon Joy

She is my third child. My second girl. And she is the middle of our three girls. She is a big sister AND a little sister. For someone so young, she holds many roles.

It was a day in mid March 2006. I was sooooo sleepy, and I took a nap. I mean, unusually tired. But I had a 2 year old and a baby, so who wouldn't be exhausted? I dreamt I was having a little girl and that we were to name her Avalon Grace.

I'm not saying I know what it feels like to be Mary (you know, Mary mother of Jesus), but honestly I think that name was not my own doing. It felt special and, I don't know, a little Biblical. ;) I was pregnant at the time, but just didn't know it. And I'm convinced that God gave us that name. A week later I discovered I was expecting - and I was so excited! My sister was pregnant too, and it was fun to share this with my best friend! (one of them)

We did have a girl (obviously), but Patrick didn't like the name Grace. (whoa there bud, hope God understands.... just kidding... ) :) So we named her Avalon Joy. It means Heaven's Joy. And that she is.
I had a second daughter, which meant that Vivianne could grow up with a sister.
Having a sister of my own, I wanted my daughter to experience that. Sure.... we had our fights, but mostly I remember an amazing childhood/teen years of being super close and 'glued at the hip'. Sharing clothes, fighting over fingernail polish... ahhhh, the memories.

We are big on name meanings, and have named all our kids intentionally. (I mean, hers was given to me, but it still is awesome) She really is my joy from heaven. She in just five short years has made my world immensely better. She is athletic, girlie, spunky, feisty, princess-y, smart, FUNNY, and adorable.

And she was in a hurry to get here. She was my only baby that wasn't late. In fact, she was 10 days early. The night I went into labor there was a terrible ice storm in the city. The kind where they say if you don't have to go out - don't. Well... we kinda had to go out.
The brakes on the car were frozen, literally, so Patrick drove around the block a few times while I labored in the garage. (He was trying to warm the brakes up so they'd actually work - which is a good thing) We had the freakiest drive to the hospital. Whoa. Being in labor in a car is bad enough. Driving on sheets of ice is not fun. Combine the two together and add an element of speeding 'rushing', and you are in for the ride of your life.

We had her just four hours after arriving at the hospital. Which is super fast compared to the days of agony the other children put me through. In fact, when the nurses, said, "let's try a push sweetheart, just to see if you can do it." They immediately yelled stop. (I'm a good pusher... heehee) Avalon was making an appearance in this world - without the doctor in the room. The doctor flew in and as she was suiting up everyone was telling me "don't push! Don't push!" The doctor caught Avalon just as she sat down in front of me.

Then the screaming began. Aww the baby is here. Wait. The other kids weren't so loud. Were they??? Ouch. Make it stop.

It was at that minute, I thought, "You know, I have two little kids at home. I need my rest. I've done this before. She will be just fine in the hospital nursery. I'll let them keep her for the night."

That didn't last long. They brought her back. Yes, you heard that right. They brought her back to my hospital room, back from the nursery. They said they couldn't keep her, and that she'd have to stay with us, because "she was disturbing all the other babies".

Talk about making an entrance!!

For the rest of her life, I believe she will be a mover and a shaker, because that's who she's been from the very moment she arrived on this earth. Watch out world! Avalon Joy could 'disturb' your world too - and may it be in the very best of ways!

Dear diary

Yep. I'm using cyber world as an open diary again.

I am deeply troubled today. .....I don't know why.....

It is my third child's birthday. She is five today. She is amazing. Her spirit is adorable and infectious. She is an awesome person and you all should get to know her. She could change your world. I should be happy celebrating her, right?

But my heart is sad. My heart is heavy. I ache. I'm grieving, and I don't even know for ....what. I didn't lose anything tangible. I didn't lose anything real.

I can't really explain why I might feel this way. Is it spiritual? Hormones? A chemical imbalance?? ;)
I don't know. I just need to maybe write this down, it helps me get things off my chest, which usually makes me feel better.

It started last night. I was singing Christmas carols for two hours, so I should have been in a good mood. I had a fun time and all, I loved seeing my friends!! But, it started then. The realization of a loss somewhere, somehow.

Now, I have been delving into this book about a young mom that becomes a widow after losing her husband in a sudden accident. I am sensitive. Maybe that's it??

I saw an absolutely horrific accident at Old Ranch and Powers this morning. Graphic. The truck was smashed so badly it was hard to even imagine how a human could have fit in there a few minutes earlier. It was on it's side and the drivers side was not recognizable. The front tires of the truck were about 30 feet away, laying alone by themselves. I think, that I just witnessed someone's last spot on this earth. How does that bad of an accident even occur? Could that have influenced my mood? Probably. I'm sure it did. I'm sure someone just lost a loved one right before Christmas.

But I didn't know them. I, myself, didn't experience that loss. And frankly, I felt this way before the accident. Even the songs that I put on today (randomly) seem to know how I feel. The clouds overhead hiding the sun seem to know too.

It is possible to grieve a loss you never really had? Is it possible to grieve something spiritually?
Is it okay to want to cry, even if you aren't sure of the reason?

(seriously hope/assume that guys aren't reading this today. I know this feeling subject is far beyond their comprehension of women. There is no way they 'get' this. Not that guys don't feel, I just don't see them moved by unknown emotions that much.... sorry guys.)

more closet thoughts

1. I mentioned wearing clothes that are too big. My sis is a slight bit bigger than me. Slight. And I've lost weight. And I need to gain weight - it's just slower going than one would hope. My sis' shirts and most skirts and pants are awesome, but some pants have been a little loose. I feel I must explain - she is not a size 12- she is like an amazing slender, sexy and hot little mama. And I even admit I've bought some things that are not my size - hoping they'd fit 'someday', or I just had bad judgement. But if you read yesterday's post, you'd see I am trying to no longer dress for 'someday'.

I have this pair of jeans with ripped knees. I LOVE them. But they are too big - don't remember where I got them. But love them so much, they were actually complete jeans at one point and the holes in the knees came as the material was literally worn and washed away. But they are BIG on me. I wore them a few weeks ago, with shorts on underneath to fill out the 'poopy butt', and a belt. That's just sad. But I'm not ready to rip any holes in my 'new' jeans!! So, there you have it.

2. As I look at my clothes being posted on the web for all to see, it becomes apparent to me just how much of a jeans/tee/ and cap kind of girl I am. They are the mainstays in my life, and they even got center-stage of the photos. I always kinda picture me as an adventurous and fun dresser - the photos would suggest otherwise.... hmmm...  time for new mental snapshots???

3. I'm obviously not a HUGE scarf fan, as I feel the display is cute, but there are only 4 scarves there. Hmm.. not ready to let them go yet though. :) My winter scarves get worn. I appreciate their warmth too much!

4. Guess I'm not too much of a jewelry fan either. The pic looks reaallllly boring. I need a blue necklace, but even if I add that - still a pretty boring display. Oh well. Neutrals match everything, right??? I'm just being frugal and practical. Plus, some of them are from my aunt and my grandma, and I want to hang on to those just because. There is this long shell necklace my grandpa brought back from the Philippines for my grandma while he was in the Navy. Awww.... I don't wear it, (maybe I should) but I'm not getting rid of it either.

5. I'm so glad I only took a picture of my boots (which, yes, are stored in upright opened packing boxes. What can I say, I'm a little bit cheap). Anyway - the boots. So glad I didn't take a picture of all my SHOES. You would be appalled. Seriously blown away. Not at the stylishness. Not at the name brands. Oh no. Just at the sheer volume. I would be sooo embarrassed. Whew. Glad I wasn't too click happy yesterday. I, uh... need to clear those out too.... ahem. Well, as all parts of my life, so it is with simplifying and clearing out - something I have felt called to for over a year - One Step at a Time.

Or, as the Gildea family likes to say, "Baby Steps." :) hee hee. (We have a baby schedule to keep Bob) If you know what that is from, then you are cool too! ;)

Time to let them go??

I own a lot of clothes. That is true. But I don't spend a lot on clothes - which is good and bad for several reasons. I get most of my wardrobe from the thrift stores, and another decent portion from my super stylish sis' hand-me-downs! (Thank you forever and forever B - you rock!)

The down-side, is that it is a wardrobe just mushed together. Not a lot of rhyme and reason - just cute stuff (to me) that was cheap or free. And that can mean that sometimes - you just don't look good. When you are a size (say 8) and you are trying to fit into the size (let's say...12) - you just don't look good no matter how cute/stylish/trendy the pants are. You just don't. Even if you tuck in shirts and wear mutiple belts. It's doesn't work. And it certainly doesn't look amazing.

 Yet, I hang on to them, because - you guessed it -

they are uber cute.

This is not good.

A good thing about my closet is - I have my own. At our old house we (hubs and I) shared a small master closet. At this house - we each have our own. (Yes, I know I rag on my house and say we live in the ghetto - but our closets ROCK) They are both deep and wide. Love them.

And in my own space, I can do whatever I want. First and foremost no matter what size closet I have ever had, I organize. I like to actually find what I think I might like to wear, and/or match my clothes on any given day. Call me crazy.

So the whole closet is color organized. Above? As if you can't tell - those are my tees. Yes. I own that many t-shirts. And why not? I can (theoretically) sleep in them, layer them in the winter, they are stars of the summer wardrobe.... so you need many. (at least that's what I like to say, cause gosh it's hard to decide how to thin them!)

I even have a place to hang my scarves for any season (pictured), and a spot for my winter scarves(not pictured), plus some of my 'big' jewelry. (if you can see it - that is one of my fav pics of my sis and me. I went blonde, long and curly with my hair, in a white dress. She was dark, straight and short with her hair, and wearing black. It felt like we were opposites of cinematic proportions that day, and I had this photo taken.)

I stagger my jeans so the piles don't flop over. (yes I have a lot of those too, but I don't work in an office, so it's perfectly fine) Somehow, I have ended up with two pink hats, two olive green hats (how does that happen?), and two beige hats. Weird. (This is just turning out to be the most fascinating blog huh? not. Um, please keep reading. I'm almost to my point.)

My boots. I'm so proud of them. I had the black ones from a couple years ago - at the thrift store. This year I have been wishing and hoping for a brown pair - for you know, the brown outfits. I went to the thrift store two weeks ago - and guess what - both browns were there - in my size!! Can you believe it? I can - because I actually am soooo loved by God. (I also 'conversed with God' for dark skinny jeans to be there - and found two great pairs!!! Yea God!)

Anyways....... all this stuff, and basically - you don't wear it all. They say we wear 20% of our clothes 80% percent of the time. So that means I have many unworn clothes just sitting there. I call them the 'ugly' clothes. Let's face it. They may actually be ugly, or not, but either way, you aren't wearing them. You know it. They know it. ;)

So, I am on a mission. I'm wearing the 'ugly' clothes. (good, favorite stand-by clothes that I love....I'll be back soon) I figure, if I wear them and hate them.... just face the facts and get rid of them. Stop holding on to them because 'someday' there might be a themed bridal shower for a friend in the Spring for which this dress would be perfect !! Or  because 'someday' when I am horse-back riding, those knickers would look soooo adorable with that hat.

Yeah. That's not ever gonna happen. I don't know who I think I am. I work in a garden. I work at a computer. I raise kids, and empty garbage, and kneel beside a bathtub washing girl's hair. I drive a 'truck' most days, and shop mainly grocery stores.

Now, that doesn't mean I need to dress terribly, but I also don't need all the 'someday what if' outfits. So they are slowly but surely heading to the thrift store to bless some other lady out there, just hoping and praying for red corduroy pants, or a dress for a spring-time themed bridal shower.

A week ago I wore this cut-off tan corduroy skirt to church. I wasn't sure if I should rock it or chock it. And even though I felt like I was channeling a 70's chick, I liked the skirt. It gets to stay. For now.

The movie whisperer

I have a love/hate relationship with movies. I just finished watching one and there are two main problems with me watching a film.

1. It takes me to another world.

and,

2. It takes me to another world.

See, I'm really not a grown-up at all. (I had y'all fooled for a minute, didn't I?) I am somewhere between 6 and 12 years old walking around in an adult body. How old I am just depends on the day..... ;)

The first "takes me to another world" is amazing. After watching Moneyball, I was pretty darn sure I could easily be a pro baseball player. How hard could it be - it was just a game of math!! (Plus to work with Brad Pitt...err... wait... never mind) Seriously though, thought I had a chance at baseball. Really I did. Ask my husband. I was temporarily delusional.

Cinderella. Saw it in the theater when I was six. Had dreamed about meeting my prince so I could stop doing my cleaning chores ever since. heehee

All the 'girlie' romantic comedies that got me through high-school, college-aged years, engagement, and ...well, still now in marriage, that make you feel anything in love is possible. Even if you've had a baby barfing on you for three days. They take you someplace. Some place magical. Somewhere where dreams come true if you work hard enough, that you really could be beautiful and prom queen if you just take off your glasses and change your hair..... someday that guy will notice you, and think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread and not just an invisible dork. (yes, I know I'm married, but these films evoke feelings from long ago - basic woman/knight in shining armor feelings- okay peeps???)

The 'bring it on' type of movie. You know,.... the one where the ballerina who can't afford dance school and has to go back to her cheer leading competitions, but ultimately has to have a hip hop dance off to save the world???? Yeah. When I'm done watching those (if I actually make it through the movie), I'm convinced I can sooooo do those same moves and think about auditioning them for our next church Christmas or Easter production. (note to self, never ever watch those movies near the holidays)

Then there are the other 'takes me to another world'. These are not so pleasant. Not. Worst one ever in memory bank: I AM LEGEND.

Oh. My. Gosh. I had nightmares for a year and a half after that movie. I have finally learned to block the end of the scene if one of them should pop up on my visual memory slide show. I still don't handle the word 'hive' well..... (course that could be partly because I'm scared to death of bees... but that's another story for another time.) If it wasn't my husband who 'made' me watch it with him, I'd probably have some unforgiveness in my heart for taking away just a tiny piece of my soul.... but I'm not mad at you dear, really. Yeah...sure... that was some 'crazy' movie "effects". anywho......

True stories about animals. I can't separate real from 'movie magic' and most true story movies about animals include scenes that make me squeamish. Bears eating humans, horses breaking their legs, dogs lost, out in the wilderness, all on their own, trying to cover a thousand miles just to get back to their owner who didn't know they are lost, all the while being chased by mountain lions, and starving.... sniff!! Yeah. Those movies mess me up too, so I try an avoid them at all cost. I don't care how amazing Secretariat and the other horse movie was that came out several years ago... I can't watch the whole thing. I just 'pass' by the room every now and then and glance at the screen, but I can't just sit there and let it in.

Once, when I was dating, I was again 'forced' to watch Simon Birch. I'm told this is a great guy movie. Obviously a guy movie. I freaking cried my eyes out. Like... heaving, gut wrenching sobs. The guy was like - you couldn't see his death coming.....?????? Um... yeah. Totally saw it, that's why I'm rocking back in forth in a fetal position bawling my eyes out.....

And last but not least: the movie that was written and directed by some secret agent that saw my junior-high years. The movie about the dork in high school who finally grows up and tries to be a normal person. That is the movie I saw tonight. Dang it! Why was I such a dork??? (if I still am, please. don't tell me. just let me think I've hit the normalcy mode. please)

It's not all entirely my fault that I had braces, and large plastic horrible glasses, and a million other things.... all at the same time. Who can control their eyesight? Or if their teeth grow in a nice little line?? Or if they dressed like a dork... oh wait. I guess that one I coulda controlled....

eh.... back to the movie. I just watched one of these high school horror shows and it made me glad that I'm not in junior high anymore. Sheesh. Hate it for my kids someday! Poor kids...

If I could change one thing about me now?? Would I change my spirit? How sensitive I am to not only movies, but the world around me? No. I like being moved to tears (or sobs if you're watching the Notebook) because I'm not a calloused ol' broad with a heart of stone. And that's a good thing. I like feeling like a dancer or a pro sport player - I will just have to keep those types of movies at the top of my list. I mean, they don't call em "feel good" movies for nothing!

I live in the 18th century

Several months ago we moved from a newer home in a cookie cutter neighborhood. It was built in 2004 - and we decorated the inside ourselves. No one else's bad taste in style had marred the house. It was a fresh blank slate. We painted the walls - can't stand white ones, we had brand new kitchen appliances, a yard we planted and designed ourselves and most modern conveniences.
A sump pump in the basement
Double paned modern plastic windows
A garage door that opened with a remote.

Do you take those things for granted?? Are they just expected in this day and age?? We don't have any of those now. :)

I moved from there to the land (LAND) of our dreams. The house is more...ghetto ... than we would have liked, but our budget didn't allow for both beautiful land and house. ;) But, you see, you can fix up a house with a little hard work, elbow grease and money. You can't do a tremendous amount about crappy land. So, the land won out.

One of the little nuances of living here, is that the washing machine drains outside. No. Literally, outside in the yard. You can see it from the road - because where the pipe comes out and drains... all the grasses and weeds are both tall and green in that little strip of earth. :)

Well, this is all fine and good, reusing water to 'water' the lawn... but in the winter I can't do wash when the temps are below freezing. Just in case the pipe or any standing water in it is frozen, the wash water would back up into the house. So if we have a cold snap of three weeks or so this winter, expect me to start flipping my underwear inside out! HAHHAhahaha!

Oh. And our dryer has been broken since before the move. It is just a $20 heating element - so I'm told. It's on the honey-do list. But... It's not his fault. He's been putting in some really long hours. We'll leave it at that.

I have a clothesline.... which I love actually. LOVE. The clothes smell incredible after hanging out. Downy has nothing on fresh air!! The problem with a day like today is, it IS above freezing, so I ran three loads of wash. And it was windy, so that helped dry the first load fast so that I could hang out the second and third loads. But, at 55 degrees, your hands absolutely freeze handling those cold wet clothes!! Brrrrrr! And at 40 degrees, I need a cup of hot cocoa when I come inside just to thaw and reward my work.

And that... my friends is how a little bit of my life is still 18th century. (except the washing machine part.... I hope that doesn't go!)

Fireplace facts

Things I have learned in the short time period of having a working fireplace in my house:

• No matter if they are actually on fire, or even black, don't move the logs with your bare hands. They will still be hot. I wish I could tell you I've learned this lesson by doing it once. That is simply not true. I still keep doing it.
• The black metal 'thingy' the logs sit on.... yeah... that gets mighty hot too. When reaching for logs with your bare hands, be sure to miss that one. (I have a square shaped black mark on my hand as I write this)
• When you start said fire.... ALWAYS make sure the flue is OPEN first!!
• When you lean in to blow on the fire, for goodness sake, please hold your hair back. There's this time (today) when I was blowing on the embers to restart the flame and there was just smoke, smoke smoke..... then POOF! Large, large flame. Hair was awfully close.... yikes.
• Don't wear a white long-sleeved shirt while carrying logs into the house, playing with the logs with your bare hands, or leaning over the hearth to blow on the embers.
• DO enjoy the sound and crackle of that beautiful fire you made.
• In fact, throw your feet or your tush, or your hands up by the flame to warm them. Feels amazing.
• Eat dinner by fire light. Incredible.

I cannot tell a lie

So.... here's the story. It is so stinkin funny, and I can't seem to reach my husband, so I'm going to share it with you all.

On the way home from picking Vivianne up from kindergarten, Alex and Avalon were in the back of the minivan. Avalon was looking at a new Christmas entertaining/cook book I had bought. Talia was in the middle looking at a new catalog.

I heard a loud rip.
"Talia! Did you rip mommy's new catalog??"

The answer was no - it was Avalon in the back seat with my new book.

"Avi!!" I cry out. She feels bad and begins to cry.

Then it begins. (it gets real good. read the following with much drama and angist, and anger, and anguish)

Alex: "She ripped out a whole page!"  (me: where is it?)
"On her lap." (oh yeah? Hand it to me.)
"She threw it on the floor!"

If you haven't guessed yet, those were all lies. Yep. All three. One page still inside the book is half torn through.

"On her lap".... Puhhh- lease! What to do? A lot of the punishments we have tried don't seem to sink into our 8 year old boys little head. Hmmm...

I know. I was going to go old school. REALLY old school. Like 1890's kind of school.

When we got home, I asked him to grab a pad of paper and a pencil. At the top I wrote - I will not lie. I will not make stuff up.

Then I told him to write that 100 times, with each new set of sentences numbered.

This is where the story gets gooder.

He broke down and cried. Sobbed. 'I'm so sorry!! There was a paper, really, it just... disappeared.'
"100 times??? That's like... a BILLION words!!!!    100 times???? That is like, um, 200 sentences!!!' Feel the anguish in the words....

This is fantastic. I am laughing at the stove because the scene behind me would bring anyone into a fit of laughter, AND my boy is working on math!! Halelu!!

Then, he bargins over and over again - why 100 times? Why not 50 sentences, why not 20?  He gives in.  "Fine." he says subbornly. "I will write them, but I won't number them."

Oh yes you will I say.

"Fine. But I'm NOT going to have good handwriting!!!"

Oh yes you will, I say again. And I add that any sentence written with poor handwriting will be written again.

He's on number 34.
You can see how thrilled he is. Okay. You got me. These are from another, yet different pout. Kids...

Something's stirring....

I'm only writing this so that I don't implode.

I really don't need you to read it. (something a blogger should never say, right???) Today, I'm doing this more for me than anything.... I just need to get my nonsensical feelings onto paper...so to speak.

I feel a longing, a yearning for more. For more of what??

That's the thing...I'm not even sure what I'm longing and yearning for...but it is welling up inside me like a bomb about to go off. I feel the pressure building. I'm a human Old Faithful.... about to spew.....(something yet to be seen, but....something)

I feel fearful. Fearful of loss. I wrote Patrick this morning, and shared my fear of him not being with us. (as in through death) What would I do? What would happen to us??

Are these fears anything I should even be concerned with? No. Not really. I mean, a plan for disaster is always good, but you shouldn't dwell on it.

It's the combo of those two feelings, the explosive pressure of an expectation, a yearning, something craving for more; coupled with a random, life-changing fear.... it's that combo that is freaking me out.

I think at times we all have random bursts of fear. Fear of losing. Losing a job, child, spouse, parent, family/ friends.....

We all probably also share the feeling of something great coming. But at the same time??

Something that is not helping is my book study. I'm reading this book talking about God being in control of everything....everything. Even our losses. Dreams unfulfilled. It's not helping because I feel no control. And spinning on this earth with the realization of no control is very frightening sometimes. (to me anyway) I like to have a plan, to know what's coming up, what's around the bend.

So, that's where I am today. A very odd place. More excitement like I'm on the edge of a precipice, but twinged with a fear of loss. I am earnestly seeking God to show me what He has in store and what He is trying to show me, or to at least calm my spirit. God is a big God and I admit I could never begin to understand His ways, but I also know He is in control of this anxious jumpy feeling in me today.

My garden theology

I have a large garden. It was my dream to have one. I'm totally grateful and happy....and frankly a little overwhelmed. ;)

As I work and walk through my garden I've had some 'spiritual' thoughts. Here's a few of them:

Weeds:  You think I'm gonna say they are like sin in our lives - needing to be pulled by the root. Right?? Wrong. My weeds are not the sin. They are life. Busyness. The things that keep us (the beautiful garden plant) from growing to our full potential. The things that drain us, much like the weeds in the garden drain the plants from their strength and can actually kill them if left to grow and grow unchecked.

Sometimes 'weeds' may be birthday parties, and grocery shopping, and laundry, and play dates, and exercise at the gym, oil changes.... and.... all the things that keep you soooooo busy. Weeds in the garden sure keep me busy!!! Just like life, we need to keep our busyness to a minimum sometimes so we can concentrate and focus - on God, on true growing. Don't let the weeds choke you.

Hurry up and grow:  I want a genuine relationship with the Lord. I don't want your spiritual life, even though you seem to be tight with God, I want my own version of God-closeness....but I want it NOW. I have this vision of what my life will look like, and what I'll be doing. I also have a vision of my garden and what it will look like years from now. Unfortunately, neither are currently close to the vision 'picture' I have in my head. Some gardeners use Miracle Grow. That is fine. I don't. I don't want to add chemicals to my garden.

It's like my life. I need to be the best 'me' I can....but it is hard not to want to do a personal 'cheat'. It is hard to keep my garden pure from chemicals just to make it grow bigger and faster. But that is just like life. We need to keep our hearts pure. Once you pour the chemicals on and they spread into the soil it is hard to get them out! Purity is good, but it takes time to see results and it can be hard to follow through, but the end result is always worth it.

Gophers and voles: Here's the sin peeps. You can be the most beautiful, popular, amazing person, but if you have sin, under the surface destroying you, and all you were meant to offer- it doesn't matter what you have going for you on the surface of your life. Like we have all heard time and again, it's what inside that counts.

My gophers and voles - man... it is hard to keep sin from encroaching into our lives! Pesky little things. Like Satan, they do not give up easily. Yes, I guess I'm referring to gophers as Satan... haha. Seriously though, this is where you pull out the big guns. Don't just buy 'repellent'. Oh no... buy poison. You have to get RID of those guys, just as you need to be serious about getting rid of sin. It will completely eat you up under the surface and destroy who you were meant to be.

What can you do??

But laugh maybe?? or perhaps...wonder what you are doing wrong??? ;)

My two year, two month old daughter will close her eyes and turn her head when I reprimand her. As if she just suddenly fell asleep and can no longer hear me.  'What Mom? I'm sorry, I can't hear you, I'm sleeping, I'm sure you can tell, as my eyes are ever-so-tightly closed."

"Talia! Noooooo! We don't touch our poop!!" (if you've read the last couple of posts, you should know my life is very much full of poop.)   ...to which, when she hears me say this, 'falls asleep' - sometimes standing up! (which, really, must take a good amount of talent)

This morning I was changing her and she is laying on the floor just being a goof. Then she began to act naughty and I scolded her. Immediately she tossed her head to the side and closed her eyes tight.....and laid perfectly still.

Oh, whoops. My mistake. I should be quiet, my baby is sleeping!!! hahaha.....
At least when she has her eyes closed she can't see me laughing to myself!

My Vaccine Soapbox

This could be a hundred pages long. I can talk a lot, and I tend to write conversationally when I get going.

This won't be written like a medical journal, but instead from the heart of a mother.

It certainly won't be comprehensive, as I don't have the strength in my hands to type that long. But, if you want to comment, talk or share, you may. Shoot, if you really want to talk, we could meet. ;)

We don't vaccinate our children. .....anymore.
See, we used to. It is the American way. Our kids are safe if we do. All 'good' mothers vaccinate their kids. And.....so did I.

Until my son was two, almost three years old.
I have four kids. The first two have almost all their toddler vaccinations. The last two have (almost) none.  (research happens in stages with small kids)

I began researching like a nerd on speed at an Ivy League college when my son was two and a half. He has severe allergies to milk and beef, and eggs. Not lactose intolerant - no, he is allergic to the protein in milk and beef and eggs.

I began to research raw milk and goats milk. I really researched and learned about pasteurized milk. I was sold from my findings - we wouldn't drink processed milk anymore. I was hoping in the beginning of the process to see if there was a type of milk my son could handle. That would change our life. There wasn't, but I did find something in the process.

I found information about vaccines. A lot of information. So much so, we stopped giving them to our children.

I disagreed with the ingredients. Monkey organs, chicken embryos, mercury, thimerisol (a mercury preservative), aluminum, and human protein DNA from aborted fetuses. If that doesn't make you say eeewww.. There's more. I'm not writing a medical journal, so I'm not listing more, but I promise you, if you dig, there's more.

Here's something I learned just a few days ago actually. Which is why I'm writing. In almost every single shot there is bovine and egg protein. Let me say that again. Bovine and egg protein.

There is federal protection against vaccine makers. Your child's head could fall off after a vaccine, and there's nothing you can do. You can't sue them, you can settle with them. Nothing. Federal law protects them in every way.

I can't prove this, but I have a theory. When the number of vaccines went up, so did autism, allergies and asthma. I have two kids vaccinated. One was diagnosed with allergies and one with asthma. (the asthma has recently been out-grown. Praise the Lord!) The two kids without vaccines are perfectly well.

Did you notice, that my son is allergic to the protein of cows (milk and beef) and of eggs. And those are the exact two ingredients in all the shots he had. Now, let's think about this. You don't give a one month, two month or four month old baby cow's milk. And you certainly don't give them beef. Why??? Their little bodies can't handle it. That's why. Then why is it injected into them???

I am pretty convinced that if I hadn't given my son his vaccines, that he would be a child living a (more) normal life. A life filled with milk, cheese, butter, ice-cream, ballpark hotdogs, scrambled eggs, and cakes.

I pray he out grows this, or is healed from it. But I no longer think he was born with it.
click here to read about human fetus DNA in your vaccines

Dashiell Robert Parr

The new dog. We got a new puppy dog two days ago. Less than 48 hours ago to be exact.
It's going pretty well. Nobody I know is a fan of poop, or poop clean-up. However, I would like to take this moment to say how very very much I hate cleaning up poop that has been smeared into gates and tiles and puppy beds.


AAAGGGGHHH!!!!!

But he is a really cute dog. We call him Dash. I have this thing - ever since I was young, but old enough to name my own pets - I name them Disney names. I love Disney. I'm not a pet person. Perhaps it is a psychological way of making me like the animal more???? Regardless.... they get Disney names. Or today, Disney/Pixar names.

We considered Mater, Beast, Dash and Jack-jack. Alex (our son) wanted to name him Thunder - later we find out it's because the neighbor's dog is named Thunder!! (funny kid....)

Dash won out. But Patrick and I secretly call him Dashiell Robert Parr. Because it is funny to us, and because it's like using a kid's middle name.

Dash has a great temperament so far. He is 6 months old and we have four little, excited kids. The dog is handling us sooooo well!! He is calm, isn't yappy, hasn't snapped at all the little grabby hands, lets my daughter hold him hanging from her hip in a very 6 year old way all day - he will fit in nicely if he keeps up this mellowness. (Mommy just might keep him!! haha)

cute things I wish I could remember forever....

While we were driving the other day a conversation was happening in the far backseat between Alex and Avalon.

Avalon got this plastic doll/statue/thing from the dollar store. She treasures it and was once again fondly holding it. "It says 'made in China'. I thought GOD made everything." She says kinda smartly.

"Let me see," Alex says, "Yep. Made in China. Well, God DOES make everything. He just makes it in China and they put it together and then they send it over here."

HAHAHAAA! I was laughing so hard inside. Where do they come up with this stuff? And when did Avalon learn to read?? She doesn't know how! That is the first thing she reads?!?!?

Then today, driving again (this is where our best convos happen other than the dinner table actually).....

Me: Guys, let's all think of the amazing miracles God does in our life! We should be so thankful.

I told them about how something I prayed for was answered this morning.

Alex: I know!! I got through school today. That's a miracle!!


Oh gosh these kids are killin me. I'm so glad I'm a mom! Happy belated mother's day y'all!!

Yes, I'm alive

We moved. On March 18th actually. Almost three weeks ago now.

We moved  and I got terribly sick. Worst head cold and chest cold of the last decade hands down. It was not fun. I'm truly not recovered entirely yet, but I'm much, much better!

We moved into a house so outdated we cannot plug in our TV. Most TVs have a three prong plug. That means it is 'grounded'. You plug it into an outlet in your wall that has three holes. (I'm so brilliant, aren't I??)
That is a grounded outlet.

This house only has four of those. One in our bathroom. One in the kids bathroom, and one on each side of the kitchen sink. Since the bathrooms aren't really set up for TV watching, and I'm not crazy about it happening in the kitchen - we don't have a television set up. But wait, it's not exactly 1955 - these days you can't just plug in a TV. You have to have cable or satellite or something. And.... you guessed it... this house doesn't have that set up either. So even if you did want to watch Dancing with the Stars while doing your dishes, it still ain't happenin' people. :)

You know what?? We really haven't missed it.

Once, one afternoon my 7 year old son whined about not having it. That is it. That is the only complaint we've had about not watching television in almost three weeks. I have a toddler who is turning 2 this month, and 4, 5, and 7 yr olds. No once have they asked for Barney or Sesame Street, or Wipe Out or Cyber Chase.

Even me and Patrick are doing better than expected. I don't miss Inside Edition or 20/20 or ....well... I haven't really thought about Castle until now. Let me at least put it that way as I sigh a moment......

Patrick though- really - he is somewhat addicted to the screen. Both for movies and TV. But he has been amazing! He could really care less. I'm very impressed. In our 'old' life he would have been climbing the walls by now! haha

So what is this 'new' life we are living?? Well, for starters we have a very outdated old house on 6.4 acres. Right across the street are two ponds. One is a neighbors that he said we could come over to at anytime and fish in. The other one is a more private residence only "preservation" type pond. We see the sun bouncing off the water in the early morning and dusk. We have a wood pecker, an owl, we hear ducks and geese, and many amazing birds I'm not sure I've heard before. We have a barn. and thanks to my amazing husband, an almost fenced garden that is bigger than the last backyard we had. If it was any larger we'd be farmers - that's what Patrick said. :)

 Here are a couple pics of our new old homestead:

Our deck and fire pit ~

 Home Sweet Home ~

 A perfect place to paint our family name on this piece at the entrance to our home~

 Most of our front yard ~

Moving

Things I don't like about moving:

I (WE) own too much stinkin' crap.

To be honest with you, I think I could clothe about 6 families our size. I didn't know this before - but as I pack up clothes and look at what is left in the closet, and still piled high in the laundry room... I am embarrassed.  It is shameful.

Friends have asked if I need them to come help pack. (Refer to point one) I don't really want to say yes - because it is letting them into a place in your life you let VERY few people. "Come, please, see the inner workings of our house and every little last piece of junk that we have that we haven't thrown out for seven years."

I am out of shape. I moved...say 25 boxes today (packed ones) - and it was so painful! What??? I'm about to move 1,300 million boxes in a couple of weeks, and 25ish boxes wore me out??? This is not encouraging news.

You buy a house - you think.... but you really have no idea. I mean, you invest ALL this time, and money, and effort and yada yada yada.... and your buyers (of your house) can 'legally' walk at inspection, or survey, or inspection resolution, or appraisal, or when they blow their nose, or eat dinner...... (I think you know what I mean) It is really frustrating.

In a similar vein as point one, we have too many toys. I was 'never gonna raise spoiled kids'. Nope my kids were not going to be raised like kids that have it all. But, um.. they do. They have it ALL. As in ALL of Toys R Us, Walmart, and Target combined. And I'm trying to not take it ALL with us. It is pretty tough to clear out toys. First you have the obvious - "MOM!! Why is my crown in the trashcan!?!?" (This actually happened today.) Secondly - it is difficult to sell them at a garage sale (IF you have time to have one before moving day). The kids come out and see their *favorite* toy on the lawn... and you know....

Anyway, that is my gripe fest for the day. I know if we DO move... and I certainly hope we do....
We will forget these days the way women 'forget' the pain of labor, and the sleepless nights of infancy. I know we will 'love' the new house. I know it will all be worth it. I try to remember that on days like today. Days when I consider throwing in the towel on it all! ;)

The interview

This is a little deep maybe. Has the potential for going a little long, perhaps a bit confusing... but I have some thoughts going on here......

I have this feeling.... a strong feeling, almost like a belief, about some things I will be seeing and doing and living through in the years to come. I 'see' how me and my husband can be used, to touch people, to minister, and to offer practical help. I see this with my mind's eye often. Almost daily. It is a position of leadership, per-se, but not a glamorous one. But a leader nonetheless.

If my 'mind's eye' and heart are correct, and this would come to pass one day - I figure I'm a shoo-in for the job. I mean, it's like Jennifer Aniston auditioning for a movie that stars Rachel Green. (for you that are not Friend's fans, Jen played Rachel in the series.) It's a given.

Anyway..... lately.... I feel like I'm being interviewed for my very own job. And yes, I'm being cryptic on purpose here, I'm not going to post all of my innermost heart thoughts on a public blog. For many reasons.... but I am talking about something spiritual here.

What I see in my future with my spirit (heart), I feel is being tested in the spiritual and physical now. It's almost like I feel God is saying, "Yes, that could be yours, but can you hack it??? Let's see..."

To tell you the truth, I really would like to earn His trust and favor, so I dearly want to nail this interview... but it's a doosie. At least, it feels like it.

I don't know if you have been reading about our moving/not moving/moving/not moving house selling experience, but you only got the tip of the iceberg. Not the full guts and glory.  You missed out on the gut-wrenching sob of a pity party every time we 'lose' a house. You don't see me reading the Bible trying to find just the right verse that applies to me - so that I can pray it to 'move' God. (that's not normal behavior... fyi.... but honest. Desperate times call for.... crazy actions.)

Then there are 'things' with my kids. I know, I know, every parent has their own 'things'. But.... I have been parenting for a few years now, with plenty of adventure, but when the 'things' all hit at once it feels more like a test, than a shared human experience.

Avalon out of nowhere... has been having "tickle-ish" lips. She means her lips are tingling, and I have given her Benadryl for it. This is common with an allergy - but to what?!?!? She has been the same day in and day out for 4 years, and now.... swollen lips??? Like I need more mystery in my life??? Or food allergies!! She even has woken in the middle of the night with it. And today, poor thing, they were all swollen and chapped from her biting them. The baby, Talia, has her own issues - which, really, to spare you, I won't go into detail. She also is supplying me with mysteries to solve.

Anyway... I was thinking about all I have going on in my life. I feel like it is some cosmic test to see how much I can handle without exploding. And somethings don't even have to be 'bad' to fit into this interview. Let's not forget the homeschooling, and constant cleaning of the house for showings. Oh! And we've also had three (3!) flat tires in the last two months. I mean.... what the????

All that to say, this is a looonnng interview. (wink) I sure hope I get the job after all this!

Home Sweet Home - maybe.... part 5

The synopsis:

I have to sum this up for you I feel. I haven't written in four days, you probably wonder what the heck is going on... The story is hard enough to follow at one time, let alone spread over two weeks!! ha

It truly is one of the longest, most confusing, weird stories I have ever lived or told. I will sum it up with points this time. Here's hoping it makes some sort of sense!!!

• In Nov of '10 we found a house in the forest we loved.
• We put a contingency contract on it.
• The contract expired.
• The contract got renewed at 12,000 less. (yea!!)
• A 'real' buyer stepped in and we had 48 hours to get a contract on our home.
• We got a buyer.
• We lost the forest house anyway.
• We told our buyer - 'goodbye!' (we didn't want to sell for so little for no reason)
• We found another house - soooo much better (the pink house)
• The pink house ALSO had a potential buyer.
• We almost won that bid, but since it was a foreclosure, there was one requirement we didn't meet. We couldn't afford two houses at once. (crazy huh???) ;)
• So now, within a week, we lost TWO houses! Sheesh. The rejection is coming on strong. How hard is it to purchase something these days?????
• Oh, the little green forest house... the contract on that fell through. (what?!?! - sweet!)
• We try to get our buyers back.
• Our buyers agree to come back and buy our home!!
• Suddenly we have buyers, we make a solid contract offer on the original little green forest house, and we start packing. Closing date is just 2.5 weeks away!!!
• Our home goes under inspection.
• The bank for the forest house sends us a counter offer.
• We agree to the counter offer on the forest house... and just before we sign it.....
• OUR buyers WALK.

Can you believe that???? We love a house. We 'get' a house. We lose a house. We find another house. We lose that house. We have buyers. We lose buyers. Crap-i-tomoly! What are you supposed to do with that kind of stress and emotion when you are living it???

I honestly think it got to my health last week. I physically started breaking down. Spiritually??? I'm good. Tired, confused, but good. Trusting. On the more 'human', physical side... very very tired, and hoping something happens soon.

So, yesterday, we started at point A again. Our house is back on the market. And we are hoping to still get the little forest house before someone else does. Here's hoping!!

Oh.. and for goodness sakes... please, by all means, join us in prayer on this adventure, won't you???? :)

Home is where the improvements are..... part 4

I'm sorry I haven't caught you up on the story. I'm the living dead today. Suuupppper tired. Hope I'm not coming down with something. bleck!!

So, back to the story:

It was last Tuesday (a week and a half ago), and we lost the little, ugly, perfect forest house around noon. That very afternoon, of the same day, I am looking for houses online and find one that is cheaper... bigger... and updated just two blocks from the little green forest house. We drive out to see it, and peer in the windows (they are both vacant and owned by banks). It is a pink house. From now on they will be known as the small green house and the nice pink house.

We call our realtor and plan to see the pink house the next day. It just went on the market the same day we lost the green house. Wow!! Maybe this is what God wanted all along. Maybe it came on the same day we lost the other so that we would be poised to find it. We'd already be sold on the neighborhood, and looking - and blessed with a better house. Yes, that is what God must be up to....

We see the house the next day - it has 4 bedrms instead of 3, it has 3 bathrms instead of 2. The kitchen is updated with all new appliances and a double oven. Woo woo!! Give a shout out to double ovens!! The house has all new carpet, nice hardwood floors, nice bathrooms, nice arrangement of bathrooms, a large laundry/mud room, a HUGE three car garage with a pantry, solid wood ceilings with beams, three fireplaces.... I'm in heaven.

The land isn't soo hot. But it is land, and I'll take it. I mean, in Colorado, you're in the house most of the year due to weather anyway, right?? Summer is nice, but relatively short...

Oh, and it has a large lovely barn with water and electric. I can envision where the chickens and rabbits would be fitting.. (perfectly in the old horse stalls)

We plan to make an offer. I mean, shoot - even if we paid full price, we'd still be making a deal as it was cheaper than our bid on the green house. So that is the plan. Call the realtor of the house and put our bid in.

I figured that God took us down this path so we could end up with this much larger blessing. Yes, it was closer to the main road, so a little more noisy - and the land wasn't amazing - like the green house... but God knew what was best, and this must be it.

Right?????

(to be cont......)

Home Sweet .... Crap! part 3

So the middle of January came and our contract on the little forest house expired. There were two options. The bank could either renew the contract or give us back our earnest money.

They didn't want to give us our money. ;) We renewed the contract for 12,000 less than we had previously. Sweet!! Maybe all of that run-around was so that the Lord could give us the house for less. What a deal! Thanks God! The new contract gave us until the middle of March to sell our home and get a contract on the forest house.

Then - just two weeks later.... BOOM! The crap hit the fan - so to speak. And excuse the cussing.. but if you were living it like we were... crap is a mild word, really....

On a Thursday afternoon just shortly after renewing the contingency, a ''real" buyer came for the forest house. We now had 48 hours to either find a buyer for our home or let the contract go. We had til Saturday afternoon. Let the stress and prayers begin!!

I'll tell you something... I am summing up these house stories for the sake of not boring you. One paragraph here, one paragraph there... but living it. Waiting on 'nail beds' for answers and prayers to be answered was sooooo long. So tough... but one thing is for sure. My relationship with God got stronger over these past few months and I'm really learning to trust Him. Trust is hard for me. It really is. I like to be in control, or at least have a plan or a small idea of what may come. But blindly following??? Super hard for this chicka.

Anyway... mid Saturday about 2 hours from our deadline we had nothing. No buyers. No offers. I had to tell my realtor to let the house go. Patrick was out with a friend and having to do that by myself was soooo very not fun. I was with a friend, so I got to cry a little with her for a moment.

Two hours pass, the deadline passes.... but only barely.... by minutes.... and we get a call. It is our realtor. We have an offer on our house and we'll take it!! :)

We (he) immediately starts calling the bank (the forest home is owned by a bank - did I ever tell you that??) and the other realtor. An hour later things are looking good. It looks like we got it. We did reply by Saturday afternoon - technically, so we just had to wait until Monday morning to confirm this with the bank. (banks are closed on Saturday afternoons, fyi)

Well.... not like waiting on something important isn't hard enough, now we find out the 'bank lady' wouldn't be in til Tuesday. Rrrrrrr..... okay. Another 24 hours. We can survive that... right??? My blood pressure is normally pretty low, so I'm sure I'll survive this stress just a little longer......

Tuesday arrives. Finally. Hello!!! I'm so anxious I can barely focus. I did well until about 10am, and then I started 'losing it'.

Our realtor calls and tells us to pray, there are snags. I can't relate all the drama here.... but it comes down to this:
The bank says we didn't get it to them in writing by the 48 hour mark - and so we lose the house. WHAT?!?!?!?

Now I take a 30 minute pity party. We're up. We're down. We're up... we're down. Up down, up down..... so exhausting. A good portion of a tissue box was used and then... I was 'over' it. It is what it is. Super confusing.. but I had no control over it. Super confusing. I really really felt like that is where we were 'supposed' to be, you know?? It wasn't just a house - it was our home in a sense.... I could see our future there.

There are more details than that... things in Patrick and my heart, things we see as to come, some financial possibilities that that land had that no others do. It is complicated, but in short we believed God was calling us there. He opened all these doors, from winning the initial bid, to it passing inspection and plumbing with flying colors, to getting it for thousands less. What was God up to??? I had NO CLUE. This was beyond following Him blindly. This was blindly following Him on a skydiving trip!!

What choice did we have though?? If you are blind-folded while sky diving, you definitely hold on the One that took you!!

(still more to come....)

Home Sweet Home part 2

How to raise your kids "That Way".

I know this. You can raise your kids 'that way' in a New York apartment, in a hut in Mexico, or in suburbia. For us, though, raising our kids 'that way' (see last post) would be a little more fun and a teenie bit easier if we had our 'dream' house in the country.

We dream of getting chickens and rabbits... maybe some year I'd be brave enough to get .... a goat????? I'd have a large garden and we'd eat the produce from it. The kids learn and re-learn to play with sticks and stones and sandboxes instead of video games and electronic toys. We share space in the house and learn how to do it in a way that we don't end up killing each other... as opposed to having a house so large we could go a day or two without actually having to share a room or tight space with each other.

That is how we (partly) define 'that way' for our kids. We want kids that use their imagination, read, day dream looking at the clouds, run in the yard, and have no idea what Sponge Bob or Bakugon's are. Did I even spell that right?? I don't even care enough to look it up and check.

So back to the story. We see this house and find out that even though it has been on the market for five months.. all of a sudden someone is putting in an offer on it. We want to put a contingency contract on it - same as the other folks, so it becomes a bidding game. With each of us shooting blindly in the dark we aim for some number to hopefully win the bid and enter into contract.

We got it! :)

We now have a contingency contract that expires Jan 13, 2011 with the house we think would be perfect for us. Since it is a contingency, meaning our current house needs to sell, we have what is called a 48hour first right of refusal. That means, that we are under contract with the little old house, but if someone else can offer a solid contract, we have 48 hours to step up ourselves or back out. We get the first choice. Doesn't matter too much though.... we'd have to absolutely sell our house first. Can't afford two houses.

Oh yeah... something I may have forgotten to mention. Since we are now under contract for a new(ish) home... our house goes back on the market mid November. Perfect. Just in time for the holidays!! haha

(to be continued...)

Home Sweet Home part 1

So this is where the story began:

Last August we listed our home for sale. We started with a high price. Yes, we know the market isn't great, but we weren't in a hurry to leave our lovely home. We just had a hunch this was the time to move and we were testing the waters to see if we could make a 'pretty penny' on our home. You never know. There are a lot of dumb people - maybe one of them wanted our house enough to pay that price. Worth a shot.

Mid Oct: Nope. No one wanted to pay that much. I was tired of little showings, no offers, and the constant stress of perfect cleaning with four little kids. The house came off the market.

We decide to wait until Spring to list again. That way we have the holidays to ourselves without people touring our home. Patrick began to 'shop' for cars. We eventually needed a 4x4 for him again (for work) and we started the search. He was constantly on the computer looking for the perfect deal.

Mid Nov: Patrick was on the computer again one Saturday morning. What's new??
"Tara! Come look at this!" I assumed he found the perfect SUV. I come downstairs to see him looking at houses online. "This again??" I ask. I thought we had put this off til next year....

He is showing this ugly little house to me that actually, I had seen several times before. The weird thing about this time... is that Patrick is looking at it. See.... um... he hates ugly houses. Totally not like him. Completely out of character. So he gets a bug in his butt to drive out and see it. We do, and we love it. It sits on 6.45 of the most beautiful Colorado acreage that I've ever seen. But the house is ugly. And small. And old.

We call out our realtor to see the inside. It is vacant and winterized, so we freeze to death touring it... but love it. Well... I don't know about love it.... but love the potential. We see how we could make it work for our large family. It would require a lot of work, and some patience as we learn to live in half the house... but it would be worth it for the land and the opportunity to raise our kids 'that way'.

(to be continued......)